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Ah, friendships… the joy, the laughter, the inevitable “she said I can’t come to her birthday party, but then invited everyone else” heartbreaks.

As moms, we know that our kids’ friendships can be some of the most magical, giggle-filled bonds… or the kind that make us want to throw a juice box in frustration.

Not all friendships are good for our kids, and sometimes, they don’t even realize they’re stuck in a toxic one.

And let’s be honest, half the time, we don’t notice right away either because we’re too busy cleaning yogurt off the ceiling or refereeing a sibling wrestling match.

But toxic friendships are real, and they can be just as harmful as the playground bully.

So how do you know if your kiddo has found themselves in a not-so-great friendship? Here’s what to look for—plus what to do about it.

Red Flags of a Toxic Friendship

It’s Always One-Sided

If your child is always the one making the effort—inviting, texting, reaching out—but the other friend barely reciprocates, that’s a red flag. Friendships should feel balanced, not like your kid is desperately trying to win someone’s attention like a contestant on a reality show.

There’s Manipulation Involved

Does this “friend” guilt-trip your child? Use threats like “If you don’t do this, I won’t be your friend”? Exclude them on purpose? Oof. That’s not friendship. That’s manipulation with a side of drama.

Your Child Feels Drained, Not Happy

After hanging out, does your child seem down, anxious, or upset more often than not?

A good friendship should lift them up, not leave them feeling like they just went through an emotional obstacle course.

Jealousy or Controlling Behavior

If the friend gets mad when your child plays with someone else or tries to control who they can and can’t be friends with—big red flag. Good friendships aren’t possessive, they’re inclusive.

Your Child’s Confidence Is Suffering

A toxic friend might make snide remarks about your kid’s clothes, interests, or personality—basically, little jabs that chip away at their self-esteem. If your once-confident kid is suddenly doubting themselves, it might be time to take a closer look.

What To Do If Your Child Is In a Toxic Friendship

Okay, deep breath, Mama Bear. Before we charge the playground with a clipboard and a list of grievances (tempting, I know), let’s take a step back. Here’s how we can help without, you know, becoming that mom.

Talk to Your Child Without Freaking Out

The goal is to get them to open up, not shut down. Instead of saying “That kid is the worst!” (even if you’re thinking it), try asking, “How do you feel after hanging out with them?” or “Have you noticed if this friend makes you feel good or bad?” This helps them reflect without feeling pressured.

Teach Them What Healthy Friendships Look Like

Sometimes kids don’t realize they’re in a bad friendship because they’ve never been taught what a good one looks like. Talk about kindness, respect, and mutual effort—things that should be present in any solid friendship.

Encourage Other Friendships

If your child feels stuck with a toxic friend, help them branch out! Playdates, extracurriculars, or even reconnecting with old friends can remind them that not all friendships have to be draining.

Empower Them to Set Boundaries

If the friend is being controlling or mean, help your child practice setting boundaries. Phrases like, “I don’t like when you talk to me like that” or “I don’t have to play with you every day” can be game-changers.

Step In If It Gets Worse

If the toxic behavior turns into bullying, exclusion, or emotional harm, don’t hesitate to step in. This could mean talking to a teacher, another parent, or, if necessary, helping your child step away from the friendship entirely.

Final Thoughts: You’ve Got This (And So Does Your Kid!)

Friendships are a big part of childhood, and while some are magical, others… well, not so much.

The good news? With your guidance, your child can learn to recognize the difference between a true friend and a toxic one.

And as hard as it is to watch them struggle, these lessons will help them build healthier relationships for the rest of their lives.

And hey, if all else fails, just remind them: A good friend will NEVER be the reason you cry into your lunchbox.

Got a mom-friend dealing with this? Send her this post (and maybe a coffee, because we all need one).