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Listen, nothing humbles you quite like becoming a new mom and realizing you have no idea what you’re doing.
One minute, you’re a fully functional adult who can Google something normal like “best local brunch spots” and the next, you’re up at 3 a.m., frantically searching “can babies poop too much???” while your newborn screams in the background.
I thought I was prepared for motherhood. I read the books. I took the classes. But within weeks of bringing my tiny human home, my search history turned into an absolute circus of panic, confusion, and pure desperation.
And because I know I’m not alone, here are some of the weirdest things I Googled during my kid’s first year—plus the actual answers, so you don’t have to scroll through 20 mom forums at midnight like I did.
1. “Why does my baby sound like a goat?”
At first, I thought something was wrong. My newborn wasn’t crying—he was making these weird, grunty, goat-like noises. Was he sick? Was he broken? Was I raising a tiny farm animal??
Answer: Nope! Totally normal. Babies make all kinds of weird noises in the first few months because their little airways are still developing. Those snorts, grunts, and yes—goat sounds—are just part of their breathing process. It usually settles down by 3-6 months.
(But if the noises sound wheezy or labored, definitely check with a pediatrician.)
2. “How do I know if my baby is too cold or too hot?”
Because babies can’t tell you, and apparently, my brain forgot how to judge temperature the moment I gave birth.
Answer: The best way to check is by feeling the back of their neck or chest—not their hands or feet, which are usually cooler. If their chest feels warm and not sweaty, they’re fine. Also, general rule: One more layer than what you’re comfortable in.
(So yes, Grandma, my baby does NOT need a full snowsuit inside the house.)
3. “Why does my baby’s poop look like that??”
Oh, the baby poop panic. I have never cared so much about poop before motherhood. The colors, the textures, the frequency—I was one Google search away from starting a baby poop journal.
Answer: Baby poop comes in all sorts of weird colors (green, yellow, even black in the first few days). Most of it is totally normal. The only colors to really worry about? Red, white, or very dark black (after the first few days), which can indicate a problem.
Otherwise, congrats—you just became a part-time poop detective.
4. “Can babies forget who their mom is??”
There was a day when I went to Target alone (gasp) for a whole two hours, and when I got back, my baby looked at me like I was a complete stranger. Cue instant panic spiral.
Answer: No, babies don’t just forget who you are. But they do go through developmental leaps and changes, which sometimes means they react differently to people—even you. Give them a few minutes, and they’ll be back to clingy, drool-covered affection in no time.
(And yes, your baby always knows you, even when they’re being weird about it.)
5. “Why is my baby staring at the ceiling like they see ghosts?”
There I was, holding my sweet newborn, when suddenly he locked eyes with something behind me. Something that wasn’t there. He stared, unblinking, for a solid minute.
I was convinced my house was haunted.
Answer: Babies love staring at contrasts, movement, and lights. That ceiling fan? Super interesting. The way light reflects off the wall? Fascinating. Your great-aunt’s ghost? Probably not.
(Unless your baby is also laughing at empty corners… then I don’t know, maybe sage your house just in case?)
6. “Can a baby drink too much milk?”
Because at some point, my baby chugged milk like he was training for a dairy marathon, and I was certain he was going to explode.
Answer: Yes, technically, babies can drink too much milk. But if they’re breastfed or taking formula on demand and growing well, it’s usually fine. The real sign of overfeeding? Lots of spit-up or extreme discomfort after eating.
(Which, in my case, yes—because of course my baby overdid it. Again.)
7. “Why is my baby fighting sleep like a tiny, angry ninja?”
At first, I thought babies just… slept when they were tired. HA. No. Turns out, babies fight sleep like it’s their full-time job.
Answer: Babies get overtired really fast, and once they do, their bodies release stress hormones that make it even harder for them to settle down. Basically, overtired babies = wired, cranky, sleep-fighting babies.
Solution? Watch for early sleep cues (yawning, rubbing eyes, staring blankly), and get them down before the meltdown stage.
(Also, yes, you will spend an unreasonable amount of time rocking, bouncing, and negotiating with your sleep-fighter. Good luck.)
8. “When will I sleep again?”
Oh, honey.
Answer: Eventually. Maybe. Probably not tonight.
But I promise—it does get better.
Final Thoughts: We’re All Just Guessing & Googling
If you’ve ever felt like you have no idea what you’re doing as a mom—welcome to the club. We’re all out here winging it, Googling at odd hours, and hoping for the best.
But here’s the thing: If you care enough to Google it, you’re already an amazing mom.
So the next time you’re awake at 2 a.m., furiously typing “why does my baby’s head smell weird”—just know, you’re not alone. And hey, if Google doesn’t have the answer, text a mom friend. She’s probably up too.
