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Gentle parenting sounded like a dream—peaceful conversations, mutual respect, and raising an emotionally intelligent child.
But somewhere between validating feelings and offering choices, I realized something: my toddler is now running this house.
It Started With a Simple “Would You Like to…?”
The gentle parenting books told me to offer choices instead of commands. So instead of “Put on your shoes,” I sweetly asked, “Would you like to wear the blue shoes or the red ones?”
His response? “No shoes.”
And just like that, we were negotiating basic human functions like leaving the house.
Feelings Are Valid, But So Is Bedtime
Gentle parenting emphasizes acknowledging emotions rather than dismissing them. So when my toddler sobbed over his broken banana, I said, “I see you’re upset because it’s not whole anymore.”
His response? More tears. More drama. Then, somehow, he got my banana too.
By bedtime, I was emotionally drained, and he was still debating the necessity of pajamas. “I understand you don’t want to wear them,” I sighed. “But your body needs rest.”
His response? “No sleep, just play.”
Logical Consequences Are Lost on a Toddler
Instead of time-outs, gentle parenting encourages “logical consequences.” When my child threw his toy, I calmly explained, “If we throw toys, they get put away.”
His response? “Okay.” Proceeds to throw every toy he owns.
Expert Insights on Gentle Parenting
Experts acknowledge that gentle parenting is often misunderstood as being overly permissive. However, it’s a balanced approach that emphasizes support, empathy, and understanding, alongside discipline and boundaries. Amber M. Diamond Green clarifies that gentle parenting involves modeling desired behaviors and taking responsibility, which helps build a child’s independence and emotional security.
Aletha Solter, a developmental psychologist and founder of The Aware Parenting Institute, combines attachment parenting principles with an understanding of the impact of stress and trauma. Her approach can help families struggling with sleep, discipline, and emotional health issues.
So, What Now?
Am I giving up on gentle parenting? Not entirely. I still love the idea of raising a kind, confident child who feels heard. But I’ve learned that sometimes, parenting requires being the parent.
So now, when it’s time to leave the house, I don’t ask—I tell. When bedtime comes, there’s no debate. And if a banana breaks? Well, life goes on.
Because at the end of the day, I’m raising a toddler, not negotiating a peace treaty. Wish me luck. 🍌😅
