Disclaimer: This post may include affiliate links. If you click one of them, we may receive a cute commission at no cost to you. Thank you.
Alright, moms, let’s talk about mother-in-laws and their “territorial grandma” phase. You know, when they hold your baby and suddenly start referring to them as “my baby”—and not in a cute, harmless way, but in a this-is-making-my-blood-pressure-rise way.
Sound familiar? Oh, same.
Let’s be clear: I love that my MIL adores my child. Really, I do. Grandmas are wonderful, and my kid is lucky to have a village of people who love them. But calling my baby ‘hers’? That’s a level of possessiveness I didn’t sign up for.
At first, I brushed it off. She’s just excited. It’s harmless. But then, suddenly, it was:
➡️ “My baby needs to come stay with me this weekend!” (Uh, what?)
➡️ “You should really feed my baby more.” (Excuse me?)
➡️ “Let me take my baby home with me!” (That’s a hard no, Carol.)
And before I knew it, I was spiraling into a world where my MIL had fully claimed my child as her own, and I was standing there like, Wait, did I actually give birth, or was that just a very intense fever dream?
So, to every mom out there gritting her teeth when her MIL says “my baby” for the hundredth time—you’re not alone. Here’s how to handle it before you end up on an episode of Snapped.
Step 1: Breathe & Assess—Is It Actually a Problem?
Before we go full Mama Bear, let’s take a step back. Is your MIL just saying ‘my baby’ as a term of endearment, or is she actually crossing boundaries?
If it’s just an occasional “my baby” and nothing else, you might be able to let it slide. Some grandmas just like to feel connected, and it’s mostly harmless.
But if she’s overstepping—acting like the parent, ignoring your rules, making decisions without you—that’s when we have a real problem.
Step 2: Start With Subtle Corrections
If it is bugging you (which, hi, of course it is), start correcting her gently.
When she says, “My baby needs a nap,” just casually respond:
“Yep, MY baby does need a nap! Let’s go, sweetheart.”
“Haha, OUR baby, right?” (With a nice-but-firm smile.)
Sometimes, just a little playful correction gets the message across without drama.
Step 3: Set Firm Boundaries
If the subtle corrections don’t work (or if she’s taking the whole “my baby” thing to a weirdly possessive level), it’s time for clear boundaries.
Example: If she tries to take over parenting decisions
MIL: “My baby doesn’t need a jacket, I never put one on my kids.”
You: “Actually, I decide what MY child wears. Thanks for understanding.”
Example: If she tries to make plans without you
MIL: “I’m taking my baby to the zoo this Saturday!”
You: “We actually have plans. Be sure to check with me first next time!”
Example: If she just won’t drop the ‘my baby’ thing
MIL: “Come to Grandma, my baby!”
You: “You mean YOUR grandbaby, right?” (Firm but sweet.)
Step 4: Involve Your Partner
If things start getting uncomfortable and your MIL is really crossing lines, this is where your partner steps in. Because, newsflash: It’s their mom. And they need to help enforce the boundaries, too.
If you feel like you’re fighting this battle solo, sit your partner down and say:
“Hey, I love that your mom is involved, but the whole ‘my baby’ thing is making me uncomfortable. I need you to help set some boundaries so this doesn’t become a bigger issue.”
If he shrugs it off (because men sometimes miss these social cues), spell it out:
“If my mom called you ‘her husband,’ you’d feel weird, right? That’s how this feels to me.”
Boom. Now he gets it.
Step 5: If All Else Fails, Go Full Mama Bear
If your MIL is still steamrolling your boundaries, ignoring your rules, or acting like she has some level of ownership over your baby (yikes), it’s time to go full Mama Bear Mode.
This means:
Being direct (“I am the parent. Not you. Please respect that.”)
Enforcing consequences (Less visits if she can’t respect you)
Not feeling guilty about protecting your role as MOM.
Because guess what? This is YOUR baby. And no one—not even a well-meaning grandma—gets to take that away from you.
Final Thoughts: Love Her, But Don’t Let Her Overstep
At the end of the day, most MILs aren’t trying to be overbearing—they just love their grandkids and sometimes get a little too excited. But love doesn’t mean entitlement.
And if your MIL can’t respect that? Well, she can take it up with the real mom. (That’s YOU.)
So the next time she says “my baby,” just smile, sip your coffee, and say, “I think you mean MY baby.”
Because, lady, I did NOT go through labor for you to take the credit.
