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“You’re not the boss of me!” she yelled and for a moment, I realized she was absolutely right.
Motherhood is full of these moments, the ones that stop you mid-sentence, mid-laundry-fold, mid-“I just need you to listen” and ask you to look a little deeper.
This one came with peanut butter on her cheek and a fierce little fire in her eyes.
At first, I wanted to correct her.
Tell her I am the boss, that I make the rules, that putting on pants before lunch isn’t optional.
But instead, I just stood there, stunned, not because she was wrong, but because in a strange, beautiful way… she was right.
Control Is a Costume We Wear
As moms, we like to think we’re steering the ship and most days we are, at least on the surface.
But beneath the routines and boundaries, what we’re really doing is raising humans with their own thoughts, ideas, and yes, opinions about pants.
And toddlers? They’re truth-tellers in sparkly sneakers. They say the thing most adults are too polite to say.
They question our authority not to be disrespectful, but because they’re discovering their own. And that? That’s a powerful, necessary part of becoming a person.
When We Let Go (a Little), We Grow (a Lot)
That day, instead of doubling down on control, I sat on the floor and asked her why she didn’t want to wear pants.
The answer? “Because I’m a cat today.” So naturally, we made a tail out of an old scarf, and the pants battle dissolved into giggles and a game of “cat mom and kitten.”
Letting go didn’t mean chaos. It meant connection.
We still have boundaries. She still brushes her teeth, goes to bed, and eats broccoli (sometimes).
But I’ve started leaning into these moments as little invitations to listen more, direct less, and honor the person she’s becoming, not just the rules she’s breaking.
A Little Practice: “Boss Hour”
One of the best things we’ve added since then? A simple ritual we call Boss Hour.
Once a week, she gets to be in charge picking our activity, snack, and even what I wear (hello, mismatched socks and fairy wings). It gives her a safe space to express autonomy, and it gives me a break from decision fatigue — win-win.
So the next time your tiny human crosses their arms and tells you you’re not the boss of them, pause.
Behind the sass might be a spark of independence that deserves your curiosity, not just your correction.
Because maybe the goal isn’t to be the boss — maybe it’s to raise someone confident enough to believe they don’t need one. 💛
Have you ever had a moment like this with your little one?
