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If you’ve ever announced “Okay, we’re cleaning the house today!” and instantly heard the sound of small feet running away like you just declared broccoli was the only food allowed forever… welcome, my friend.
You’ve entered the 7 stages of cleaning with kids—a journey not for the faint of heart or the easily frustrated.
Grab your lukewarm coffee and join me as we navigate this emotional rollercoaster together.
Stage 1: Denial
“It won’t be that bad. We’ll all work together like one of those tidy families on Instagram.”
LOL. Sweet summer child. You actually believe that your kids, the same ones who just made sock puppets out of toilet paper rolls and peanut butter, are going to help clean?
Go ahead. Sit in that denial for a moment. Enjoy the illusion. It’ll be over soon.
Stage 2: Bargaining
“If you help me clean the playroom, I’ll let you have extra screen time… and a cookie… and possibly my soul.”
This is the point where you start negotiating like you’re at a flea market in a foreign country and don’t speak the language. You promise the moon just to get someone to pick up a single stuffed animal.
Your five-year-old says he might help if he can vacuum the dog. You consider it.
Stage 3: Rage
“WHY ARE THERE CHEERIOS IN MY BRA DRAWER?! WHO DID THIS?!”
You’ve stepped on your 14th LEGO. Someone is crying, and it’s you. The mess is multiplying.
You just found a half-eaten sandwich behind the couch that you definitely didn’t serve this week.
The kids have disappeared. You are cleaning alone, and you are angry.
Stage 4: Despair
“This is my life now. I live in a toy graveyard.”
You sit in the middle of the chaos, surrounded by puzzles with missing pieces and broken crayons. You briefly contemplate just lighting the place on fire and starting over.
You send a sad Snapchat to your best mom friend with the caption, “Send help or chocolate.”
Stage 5: Acceptance (with a Side of Sarcasm)
“Fine. I’ll just do it myself. Again. Because I love this. This is my favorite thing.”
You start humming passive-aggressive show tunes while folding tiny pants.
A Barbie shoe falls out of your shirt and you don’t even flinch. You’ve transcended. You are one with the clutter.
Stage 6: Hopeful Delusion
“Look, we actually got the kitchen clean! Maybe we can keep it this way for more than five minutes.”
Ha. Hahahaha. The floor is clean, the counters are wiped, and you feel… powerful.
You light a candle. You take a picture for Instagram. You consider inviting someone over just to witness this miracle.
Stage 7: Re-Contamination
“Mom! I made a smoothie in the bathroom!”
And just like that, it’s gone. The living room is now a fort. Someone dumped out all the clean laundry “looking for their favorite shirt.”
A banana peel has reappeared in the toy bin.
You sigh. You smile. You hand over a rag and say, “Guess what? It’s cleaning time again!”
Final Thoughts (and Possibly a Margarita)
Mama, cleaning with kids is less of a task and more of a lifestyle.
It’s messy, loud, ridiculous, and somehow still heartwarming. So go ahead—clean what you can, laugh at the rest, and remember: a messy house means your kids feel at home. (But also, maybe teach them how to use a vacuum. Someday.)
Now go reward yourself with something sparkly—like a clean spoon and five minutes of silence. You’ve earned it. 💪💖
