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Okay, hear me out.
I know The Little Mermaid is supposed to be this magical underwater fairy tale full of singing fish, glittery fins, and dreams coming true.
But the more I rewatch it (thanks to my 3-year-old’s current obsession), the more I’m convinced: King Triton is actually the real problem here.
Yes, I said it. The seaweed crown-wearing patriarch with the sparkly abs and anger issues? Totally the villain.
Ursula may have tentacles and an evil laugh, but at least she’s up front about being shady. Triton? He’s giving passive-aggressive “I know what’s best” energy with a side of control-freak tantrums.
Let’s dive in, shall we? (See what I did there?)
1. He Literally Blows Up Her Stuff
Ariel has a whole cave of treasures she’s lovingly collected — forks, snarfblatts, thingamabobs galore.
And sure, maybe hoarding human junk isn’t Triton’s fave hobby, but did he have to go full Hulk-smash on it?
I mean, imagine your teenager decorates her room with posters and fairy lights, and you respond by blasting it all with a magical trident because you disapprove of Harry Styles.
Not exactly Father of the Year behavior.
2. He Doesn’t Listen — At All
Ariel’s trying to express herself.
She’s 16, emotional, and in love with a guy whose jawline could cut glass but instead of having, say, an actual conversation, Triton just yells, forbids, and explodes furniture.
Newsflash, Dad of the Deep: “Because I said so” is not a parenting strategy.
That’s how you get daughters who trade their voices to sea witches, okay?
3. Ursula Wouldn’t Even Be a Problem If Triton Had Chilled
The only reason Ariel goes to Ursula is because Triton leaves her no other option.
He basically slams every door in her face and then acts shocked when she sneaks out the kelp window.
And Ursula? Say what you will, but she reads contracts, honors deals (mostly), and gives Ariel exactly what she asked for.
Can we say the same about Daddy Dearest, who only decides to care when the stakes are “eternal soul” level?
4. The “I’ll Just Sacrifice Myself” Move
Yes, yes, I know he eventually takes Ariel’s place and gets turned into a shriveled seaweed raisin.
Classic redemption arc. But like… maybe don’t wait until your daughter’s life is literally on the line to realize you messed up?
Parenting pro tip: “I love you just the way you are” hits a little different before your kid signs her voice away to an octopus in drag.
5. The Way He Finally Makes It Right? Magic.
In the end, he finally does do something kind: he gives Ariel legs and lets her be with Eric.
Yay, growth! But also… he could’ve done that the whole time.
So instead of all the drama and life-risking deals, maybe just say:
“Hey sweetie, I see you love this world. Let’s talk it out. Maybe there’s a way we can meet in the middle without invoking sea curses?”
But nooo, that would be too healthy and functional.
Look, I Get It…
Parenting is HARD.
We all have our moments. I’ve overreacted to things like paint on the walls, yogurt in the dog’s fur, and glitter… everywhere.
But the difference is, I didn’t destroy my kid’s room with a lightning bolt and drive them into the arms of an ocean warlock.
So yeah. Ursula might be the villain we’re shown, but Triton? He’s the villain who set the whole plot in motion.
And the moral of the story?
When your kid is passionately curious about something even if it’s weird, risky, or outside your comfort zone maybe pause the thunderbolts and just… listen.
Also: don’t underestimate the power of a good father-daughter talk over crab cakes and calm vibes.
Justice for Ariel. Therapy for Triton. And someone please explain to Flounder that snitches get stitches.
🧜♀️💬 What do you think? Is King Triton just a misunderstood dad doing his best, or do we need to hold him accountable for peak underwater toxicity?
Drop your thoughts below — I’ll be reading while fishing Goldfish crackers out of my bra. #MomLife
